My doctor prescribed this for my anxiety. I started with 5mg for one week, then 10mg.
Over the next two weeks, I didn't notice any differences except for extreme fatigue and yawning. Then, by the third week, I'd started feeling a pressure-like anxiety, constantly. I was clenching my jaw all the time.
By week four, I began feeling numb - it's apparently calling emotional blunting. I didn't want to do anything I'd previously enjoyed, including my job (and I love my job). I also went to a concert and afterward, I didn't feel that sense of loss that I usually feel after an exciting event.
I started getting the occasional bout of vertigo. Once it was so bad I couldn't go anywhere.
On week six, I followed up with the doctor and they suggested that the dose was too low, and they bumped me up to 20mg. Oh my.
I kept thinking that this was going to get better, the medication just takes time, and I'd eventually feel good. Because of this, I kept everything to myself and didn't talk to my boss about what I was going through.
This last Tuesday, just past the seven-week mark, my doctor said it probably wasn't working correctly for me. (To my surprise, the emotional blunting was not her concern, but rather the vertigo and fatigue.) I've now got to lower the dose to 10mg for a week, then cut it completely.
The relief I felt when I realized that this wasn't normal and it wasn't working for me was like cool water on a hot day. I finally told my boss what had been going on. I know that the withdrawal from this medication will be interesting (brain zaps, apparently), but the knowledge that I will be me again once it's out of my system is what I'm fixating on. Even though anxiety-me has issues, I'd rather feel again and be interested in things.
Also, the low-level panic feeling I've had for the last day needs to go. I'll update again soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment